we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
