see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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