Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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