what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
