Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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