Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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