i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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