You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
