i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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