She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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