Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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