Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
