He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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