weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
