I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
