we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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