I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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