There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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