I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
