My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said her name was "party"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
