i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
