the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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