last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
