is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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