you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
