So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dick very happy bro
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
