How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
