So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I skipped work to stalk him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
