Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
