I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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