matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
