"it" just moved
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
