Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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