I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
