I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
