1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
