I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
