You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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