I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
