2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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