i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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