Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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