I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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