i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
