I smell stomach acid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
