Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
