I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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