Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
