so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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