I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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